Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.
←Rate | 06-11-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine the disappointment a wolf would feel if it knew its descendant would turn out to be a Pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
←Rate | 06-14-2022 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we removed all laws, the crime rate would be 0%.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you carry your own water, you’ll learn the value of every single drop.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Therapist: “What brings you in today?” Me: Every time my husband puts the dishes away, he puts them in a different location. Therapist: “I’ll cancel all my appointments.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s called gross pay, because it’s disgusting to see what you could’ve made.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can put whatever you want on a “to do” list, there are no rules. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. Already knocked two things off my list and it’s not even lunch time yet. God, I’m good.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Triggered! Go dip your head in some radical raspberry Kool aid and have a cookie. Oh, and logout… your mum will be home soon.
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:34 by Libtards_Sux Comments (0)  


   messageicon You only live once, so make sure you spend 16 hours a day on the internet desperately seeking validation from complete strangers.
←Rate | 06-15-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating in 2022 be like: Find someone who also can’t afford rent alone. It won’t be hard.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do one thing every day that scares you. Text someone first. Ask your crush to hang out. Pick a fight with a raccoon. The only one stopping you is yourself.
←Rate | 06-18-2022 00:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Just be yourself, say something nice.” Me: Which one? I can’t do both.
←Rate | 06-20-2022 03:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shake what ya mamma gave ya! Me: Shakes therapy bill in the air.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Been breading racing deer. Just trying to make a quick buck and some fast doe.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your meme-fu is weak and brings much shame to your entire clan.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 11:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Founding Fathers: Here’s the First Amendment. Oh, and in case someone tries to take that away, here’s the Second Amendment.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the food is so good you accidentally overeat to the point that you’re afraid you might die.
←Rate | 07-25-2022 00:56 Comments (0)  




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