Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 12 of 6389
If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.
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06-11-2022 01:43
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Imagine the disappointment a wolf would feel if it knew its descendant would turn out to be a Pug. That’s how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun.
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06-14-2022 02:54
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If we removed all laws, the crime rate would be 0%.
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06-16-2022 03:20
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Once you carry your own water, you’ll learn the value of every single drop.
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01-06-2023 19:43
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Therapist: “What brings you in today?” Me: Every time my husband puts the dishes away, he puts them in a different location. Therapist: “I’ll cancel all my appointments.”
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01-08-2023 17:22
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It’s called gross pay, because it’s disgusting to see what you could’ve made.
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01-06-2023 01:58
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Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain.
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01-23-2023 03:36
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You can put whatever you want on a “to do” list, there are no rules. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. Already knocked two things off my list and it’s not even lunch time yet. God, I’m good.
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01-10-2023 02:42
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Triggered! Go dip your head in some radical raspberry Kool aid and have a cookie. Oh, and logout… your mum will be home soon.
You only live once, so make sure you spend 16 hours a day on the internet desperately seeking validation from complete strangers.
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06-15-2022 01:43
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Dating in 2022 be like: Find someone who also can’t afford rent alone. It won’t be hard.
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06-16-2022 03:21
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Do one thing every day that scares you. Text someone first. Ask your crush to hang out. Pick a fight with a raccoon. The only one stopping you is yourself.
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06-18-2022 00:55
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“Just be yourself, say something nice.” Me: Which one? I can’t do both.
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06-20-2022 03:27
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Shake what ya mamma gave ya! Me: Shakes therapy bill in the air.
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04-18-2022 21:46
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Been breading racing deer. Just trying to make a quick buck and some fast doe.
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04-19-2022 11:13
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Your meme-fu is weak and brings much shame to your entire clan.
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04-19-2022 11:15
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Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.
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01-06-2023 18:40
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When you see your-self as Robin Hood, Prince of Jokes. Stealing from group to feed another, spreading joy across the land.
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01-08-2023 15:25
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Founding Fathers: Here’s the First Amendment. Oh, and in case someone tries to take that away, here’s the Second Amendment.
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05-15-2022 02:45
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When the food is so good you accidentally overeat to the point that you’re afraid you might die.
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07-25-2022 00:56
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