Funny Status Messages

   Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…

   I think being the winner of the Great American SPAM Recipe Contest is a perfect example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time.

   Florida inmates said to have some crazy "Bieber Fever" today. ‪

   I wonder how much of a deduction I would get in figure skating by having to keep one hand on the wall the whole time?

   I'm pleased to say that I just used some germ-X and got rid of 99.9% of germs on both my hands and probably got them back while typing this

   October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.

   We would like to thank the NY Giants for their participation in the 2013 NFL season. Please pick up your consolation prize at the door on your way out. Thank you

   I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.

   Its not stretching if it doesn't involve crazy dinosaur noises.

   This Facebook is really cutting into my other time wasting activities.

   Sometimes it is best not to talk unless you can improve on the silence.

   Sorry I roasted marshmallows over your meltdown.

   I like people the most when I'm by myself.

   Zero hits on the Monster.com post for Director of tourism-City of Ferguson.

   Taylor Swifts "Shake it Off" is about what her lovers did when they realized she was bad in bed.

   Today's yoga position is called "the underpaid employee"... It involves bending over and kissing ass at the same time.

   it's my sons third birthday tomorrow... Due to budget constraints we're not gonna tell him!!!!

   Almost 60,000 people from Glastonbury area sign petition asking Glastonbury Festival planners to cancel Kanye West performance. The citizen's petition states "Beyonce would be better"

   thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I've done a lot of "marathons"

   I guess everyone can stop pretending that they are interested in boxing