BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Irony: People complaining on Facebook one day about their problems and the next day telling people to mind their own business.

   Fighting fire with fire only gives you ashes.

   We live in a culture where we are surrounded by smart phones and stupid people.

   S.I.N.G.L.E = Sometimes It's Not Good to Love Everybody

   Dudes who wear skinny jeans, you took the phrase "I got in her pants" the wrong way...

   Just remember, while you're lying to, disrespecting and making your girl cry, there's a man out there waiting to hold her, dry her tears and treat her right...

   If I poke you on Facebook and you poke me back does that mean we just had Facebook sex? & if I poke you and you didn't want to be poked did I just rape your page?

   Told my son to break up with his cross-eyed girlfriend, I think she was seeing someone else.

   oh hey Sobriety! no thanks, it's Saturday! Maybe you'll have better luck on Monday...

   Some of life's best lessons are learned while watching your drunk friends.

   Longest minute of life: waiting for food to come out of the microwave...

   ■Nothing is forever. Especially people. Don't have your hopes high, Friends become strangers, Lovers become friends, & People leave.

   Ambulances and women have a lot in common… they both make a ton of noise to let you know they are coming!

   Some people are like fast food…they never look as good in real life as they do on TV.

   Just saw my auto insurance agent use a calculator to calculate 2017-2013 to show me it's been 4 years......... time for a new insurance company. 😅

   All voicemails from my Dad start with "HELLO! HELLO!" and end with him trying to dial another number.

   Where you find true friendship, You find true love.

   Facebook = Star Wars, Twitter = Empire Strikes Back, Google+ = Return of the Jedi. MySpace = Stupid prequels.

   Whenever someone posts something like, “Just went on a massive friend-deleting spree!,” I'm never quite sure whether to feel like a winner for making the cut or a loser for having friends lame e

   I'm speeding because I have to get there before I forget where I was going, Officer.