BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Smart phones, smart cars, smart everything... Where are all the smart people?

   If you wear Hollister past seventh grade I'm just gonna assume you enjoy the taste of another man's schlong.

   When in a relationship, a real man doesn't make his woman jealous of others, he makes others jealous of his woman

   A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man

   Every week almost 30 people die from FDA approved drugs while Marijuana remains illegal with 0 deaths.

   Best prank call ever: "Hello, Dominos?"... "Yes, how may I help you?"... "What's the number to call Pizza Hut?"

   Somebody needs to start a restaurant called "Chick-Fil-Atheist" that's only open on Sunday.

   Seriously, there's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos.

   Best childhood memory? Falling asleep on the couch, then waking up in your bed the next morning..

   Too young for marriage, but too old for games.

   X says Well, it's easy to tell I'm single. It's Friday night and I'm at home updating my facebook status...

   It's hard to be your prince charming when you'd rather just fool around with all 12 of the dwarves.

   Beginning of relationship- 1) Don’t ever change. 2) You have to change. 3) You’ve changed. -End of relationship-

   I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?

   TEENAGERS: The most misunderstood people on earth. Treated like children & expected to act like adults.

   The meanest thing you can ever do to a blind person is leave a plunger in the toilet.

   I called Siri a bitch for messing up my request and my phone automatically started dialing my ex.

   Hate when I'm Sexually rubbing the wall until you find the light switch.

   When I'm on the phone I move my arms around when I'm giving directions even if the person can't see me.

   MATH = Mental Abuse To Humans