father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Police officer: "license and registration" Me: "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS!?" Police officer: No Me: "me neither".

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't - Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.

   Father's Day....the most confusing day in the ghetto.

   I met my ex-girlfriend’s son today and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.

   a guy on Maury found out he was not the father and said "it dont take blood to be a daddy" but actually it does. all dads have to have blood

   Father Jim inspired me to confess with a lighter attitude. From now on, it's "Bless me, Father, these sins are gonna crack you up!"

   I'm wondering...did Bruce Jenner get a father's day gift on father's day, a mother's day gift on Mother's day, or gifts on both days? If he gets gifts on both days, then this all makes sense now.

   Coworker: I have an announcement to make. We are expecting twins. Me: Congrats on having 2 kids with the same father!

   * A cheap father told his little son that is nightlight only made it easier for the monsters to find him.

   Dear Dad, thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!

   Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.

   loving him some father son and holy spirit right. I love ya Jesus

   would like to thank maury povich for letting so many know if they are the father and can celebrate this day

   my father called me an asswipe, I said the wipe didnt fall far from the ass

   Good mourning...... I hope everyone had a Happy Father's Day, oh..everyone except Jerry Sandusky!!

   All I want for Father's Day is the last freakin donut.

   Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

   Found out my father is voting for Hillary, which is strange since he died in 2004

   forgot to put the seat belt on my 8-year-old boy this morning. "You are an irresponsible father!" Someone shouted "Who said that? I shouted. "Stop the car, son."

   "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after he found out Luke has money.