CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   Haven't slept on my desk at work for the past two weeks, I can feel a promotion coming my way.

   Coffee is just a hug for your insides.

   Some people are here for laughs. Some for therapy. Some for sex. Me? I'm here to learn the difference between your and you're.

   It's up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest day.

   Sometimes I wish I was like my calendar, it always has dates.

   You don't have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.

   I'm at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage

   I may not be right but I'm a beautiful piece of wrong.

   Spooning For girls: A nice, warm and cozy cuddle. Spooning For guys: A dead arm, a face full of hair and an awkward erection you can't do anything about.

   Even with all the many different types of social media, nothing beats ignoring idiots in person.

   I'm a guy that loves to show a woman exactly what I like sexually. So I start off every first date with a 2-hour PowerPoint presentation.

   It's impossible for a woman to say 'I'm not overreacting' without screaming.

   There is a man eating fries with a fork and airport security is doing nothing about it.

   I heard Kanye West announced that he and Kim Kardashian are expecting a child. My sincere condolences to the child.

   My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.

   When my boss asks me if I can "take a stab at this", I always hope she'll point to that coworker we all hate.

   Dear lady who says she will only date guys who drive Mercedes or BMW cars, yet your father drives a Hyundai; Why can't you be humble like your mother?

   No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.

   Be comfortable in your own skin, only serial killers are comfortable in other people's skin.

   My favorite workout routine is putting my phone in my pocket and taking it out every 30 seconds.