CHris Funny Status Messages

   Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you'll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward

   Life was much simpler when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.

   expecting life to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you're a vegetarian.

   Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things!

   If it wasn't for the fact that I had to pee, I'd never get out of bed

   id much rather have morning wood than morning sickness

   is watching "according to Jim"...god definatly took the wrong Belushi

   I'm still not entirely sure what instagram is

   I like to go to the store, ask for help, get real close to the employee and whisper "Where is your lice medicine" just for the reaction

   wants to remind everyone it's not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off!!!

   Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.

   looking back those D.A.R.E classes were really a waste of time

   ok its almost March....all the people that joined my gym in January for their new years resolution can stop now, I'm tired of waiting to use machines

   I don't trust girls with mustaches.

   Dude instead of all these credit card companies sending me all these applications they should donate the paper to schools or something!

   reading a book....yea I know I was shocked too

   Next person that talks politics with me I'm kicking in the crotch. I don't care if they elect a pineapple into office. It's all one big game anyway.

   The human race as a species is done. People are actually thinking Nicolas Cage is a vampire. Hooray for civilization.

   Iron man is a superhero...iron woman is a command

   I live life on the edge, when I go grocery shopping I place all my eggs in the same basket! Thats just how I roll.