friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   The first five days after the weekend are always hard.

   If the weekend goes as planned, it will not include any actual plans.

   I had a colonoscopy on Friday. Just let me say there are some things you should never use a Groupon for.

   Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.

   I hate when we go on a weekend trip and my wife forgets to pack her vagina.

   I'm having a quarintine party this weekend. None of you are invited

   Extra hour of sleep this weekend. I mean, unless you're a parent. Then it's just like, more morning.

   Went to a Black Friday thing a my sweetheart’s house… all clothes were 100% off.

   Let's proudly wave our American flags made in China this weekend.

   The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.

   Beginning to question my plans to go yachting with Robert Wagner this weekend.

   Giving my liver a Rocky Balboa style pep talk for the upcoming weekend.

   Unless you woke up inside a live shark, I don't want to hear about your weekend.

   How come today is Monday when yesterday was only Friday??

   I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.

   Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls

   If you bought a fruitcake this weekend, you have until March 2035 to eat it.

   Just did my own taxes . I should be in jail by Friday.

   If you ask me, every Friday is a Good Friday.

   "Friday" is an old Indian word that means "Just two more days until Monday."