peter Funny Status Messages

   I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.

   In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

   That selfie of you perched upon the toilet intoxicated was truly charming. What finishing school did you attend, my delicate flower?

   I'm not afraid that the world is going to end.... I'm afraid that it isn't going to change....

   Why do hospitals need to advertise? It's not like I'm going to go to Home Depot instead.