mike Funny Status Messages

   Last year for Christmas I got a sweater...this year I am hoping for a moaner or screamer.

   I was just kicked out of a restaurant because of my pants. Wasn't wearing any.

   I’m going to start a band called “Free Beer” because when people see a sign that says, “Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM” everyone is going to be there.

   Do I have to hear about these Clowns for 28 more days? O me bad make that 35 more days my math is not so good anymore.

   I wonder if Uranus is getting tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes?

   When you order your coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is "Merry Christmas"

   Moving into the White house would be living in poverty for Trump...he'd be slumming it.

   I hope the MVP has his shots up to date. Disneyland is dangerous nowadays!

   I can't believe Skelator sold out and is now doing commercials. Oh well, he's still a better pitchman than Michael Bolton.

   I put an "EBOLA QUARANTINE" sticker on my front door and now we don't have problems with salesmen, thieves, or neighbors.