jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Black smoke rose from my toaster this morning... a new pope tart has been chosen..

   Did you know that if you watch Twilight backwards... it's still crap.

   My pen!s ejects bronzer if any of you ladies need a spray tan

   Was just at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.

   Obama checks Declaration of Independence.. fails to find National Treasure map on back.

   Study: 50% of Jumbotron Marriage Proposals.. End in Jumbotron Divorce.

   My dad pulled me aside today, teary-eyed. Told me to sit down.. I braced myself. He said "There's going to be a third Bridget Jones movie."

   "Chicken of the Sea" is both a delicious brand of tuna.. and the best way to insult a pirate.

   Many years ago, I was kicked out of the Beastie Boys for suggesting that partying was more of a privilege than a right.

   No one will be making fun of Chaz Bono, when Nancy Grace has a wardrobe malfunction on Dancing with the Stars and her Johnson pops out.