g0re Funny Status Messages

   If anybody is interested in a job where you sit and drink beer, 3 hours a day, 2 days a week, for $8000 a week, contact me. We can look together.

   Don't be selfish with your prayers.

   Am I the only one that when somebody says "10 years ago", thinks about 90's instead of 2002?

   Admit it, When your were little and you swallowed a fruit seed you were scared to death a tree was going to grow in your tummy.

   go into a crowded room, shout, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME?" whoever turns around and answers is a bad person.

   I can just imagine a conversation between Mike Jones and an owl...

   3am text message "Hey are you asleep?" No I'm scuba diving, what the hell do you want?

   "You actually have friends?" ... "Yeah, all 10 seasons on DVD!"

   Time to photoshop my life Touch up the edges, adjust the tones,blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out...

   people ask me why I don't have any tattoos I tell em " would you put a bumper sticker on your ferrari?