energypositive Funny Status Messages

   Who ever decided that a 1" mars bar should be called fun size must be stupid .. seriously .. when is anything that is only 1" long fun. I mean come on, you need at least half a dozen to fulfil your needs

   I don't want you to panic but I'm texting from casualty. Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was

   india foxtrot yankee oscar uniform charlie alpha november uniform november delta echo romeo sierra tango alpha november delta tango hotel india sierra Charlie Oscar papa yankee alpha november delta papa alpha sierra tango echo tango oscar yankee oscar uni

   What do you call someone who can't tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle?........... Fat.

   "'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say. 'Sort of.' It's just a filler. 'Sort of' - it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, 'sort of' means everything. Like after 'I love you' or 'You're going to live' or 'It's a boy.'"

   First love is when you meet in the moonlight and you find her lips pressed against yours. Married love is when you meet in the kitchen and she finds your trainers by the sink.

   "The meaning of the word Islam is 'submission' or 'surrender'. Which makes it surprising that's it's not a more popular religion in France."

   The American military now have so many warships that they're running out of patriotic and nostalgic names to call them. This culminates next month in the launch of the USS Fonzie."

   Technically, shoplifting from the Apple store only counts as scrumping."

   Our government is now blue/yellow. A bit like Ikea, except things from Ikea generally last 5 years