daheavy1 Funny Status Messages

   Why don't family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7

   4/21 Happy National Suprise Drug Test Day!

   I'm going to hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

   North Korea's Internet is down. In even more shocking news, North Korea apparently has Internet.

   It's so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!

   I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...

   You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a normal pigeon.

   I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

   Why do baby clothes have pockets?

   Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT!