aaron Funny Status Messages

   And when I die, this will all be yours. *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags

   Just helped an elderly man cross the street by honking my horn repeatedly

   Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you'll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.

   The key to a good night's sleep is to stay up late and get almost no sleep, then the next night after that you'll get a good night's sleep.

   "I already looked there." -Kids that didn't look there

   "Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?" I mumble into the tv remote.

   Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.

   Farmer plows the field. Farmer doesn't even stay for breakfast, stops returning the field's calls.

   The winds of change can blow me.

   Above and beyond? I mostly go below and around.