Willis Funny Status Messages

   I just tried to view on my Facebook (a look back) movie and had to agree that I was 18 or older before proceeding.

   A Rod's attorney just accused MLB of causing an unsafe playing environment. He might be right since the playoffs present A Rod with a choking hazard.

   What do frozen beer, burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common? Some idiot didn't take it out in time.

   Remember a few years ago when Jamie Foxx said Miley Cyrus would end up on a stripper pole and he had to apologize? I think everyone owes Jamie Foxx an apology.

   Women don't fart because they can't stop talking long enough to build up pressure.

   I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why TLC didn't want him to go?

   Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?

   We fought for independence so we wouldn't have to care about the royal baby.

   If I didn't drink, how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?

   Marriage counseling... because sometimes your wife needs to hear from a professional that she's being a bîtch.