UrfavAHole Funny Status Messages

   M L B suspended A-Rod, proving that cheaters never prosper. They just get $350M and a World Series ring while boning models.

   "Yes, officer, I know I was speeding, but in my defense, I ALWAYS held down the B button while playing Super Mario Brothers". 

   All of my Ex's nicknamed me Subway because I've got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches

   My wife and I were married by a Judge. I now wish I would have asked for a Jury.

   My 14 y/o daughters boyfriend struggled with a capri sun for the last 10 minutes. I think it's okay to leave her alone with him.

   When are liquor stores going to get in on the Groupon game

   I don't want to live forever. But if I found the Fountain of Youth, I'd definitely stick my balls in it.