Mark Funny Status Messages

   Due to slow sales, Apple CEO Tim Cook has been given a 15 percent pay cut. Or as Cook is spinning it, he’s coming out with a thinner more lightweight wallet.

   Lawmakers here in New York are considering a plan to bring slot machines to LaGuardia Airport. Of course there's always that other way to gamble at LaGuardia — checking a bag.

   The president announced his bracket for the NCAA tournament. March Madness and Obama is predicting Michigan State will beat Louisville to win the national championship. Going by Obama's past predictions, I want to congratulate Louisville on their big wi

   Researchers in China have developed these things called “smart tags” that stick to containers and change color when food has gone bad. That's in addition to that other thing that changes color when food goes bad — food.

   A new study reveals that parents who spend more time on their smartphones have more negative interactions with their children. While parents who spend less time on their smartphones are really mad that they forgot their charger.

   Biden's teeth were so white last night, they're voting for Romney.

   I never knew Charlie Sheen drank, until I saw him sober once.

   I will never understand deer....napping beside the highway. Very dangerous!

   Seems Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Let's hope she owns a life jacket. :-/

   Stumbled into bed late last night. "You're drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."