Maria Funny Status Messages

   No... I'm not lazy... I'm just resting up for my 30's... (I got a lot planned)

   On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ( the shoplifters special??)

   I hate When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

   I hate When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

   I wish I could collect all the tears you made me cry... so I could DROWN you in them!!

   Before sex, you help each other get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're f***ed

   I must be wishing on someone else's star because every time I wish for something, someone else gets it!

   Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.

   you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.

   "Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening."