M.A.C. Funny Status Messages

   FYI – If I tell you that you’re “special to me”, know that I’m just trying to be politically correct…

   Anyone get the feeling that it is going to take an act of God to change anything around here?

   I've always wonder who came up with the phrase "sh!ts and giggles", because the two have always been mutually exclusive for me....

   If anyone is wondering how to build a meth lab, Google apparently has directions on its homepage today…..

   I just saw an advertisement for a singles site that read, “Meet sincere singles over 40”. Thank you, but no thank you, as I'm in search of a deceitful woman...again.....

   Whenever I see small children on leashes, I'm always tempted to run up, scratch their bellies, and ask “How old in human years?”

   I think an aptitude test, ensuring the ability to change out the finished roll of toilet paper to a new role, should be required before you are allowed to breed....

   I'm going to take a much needed break from reality, so I'm logging off, and getting some work done...

   When someone says, “…please don't take this the wrong way, but…” Prepare to be judged by someone who wishes to judge you, but doesn't want to feel like an ass about it….

   The floggings will continue until morale improves...