Jhows21 Funny Status Messages

   Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorious.

   My wife keeps tapping on the window saying..."look, it's snowing"....if she keeps it up, I suppose am gonna have to let her in.....!!

   Wonder if they will take as long to clean up new York city as they did new Orleans????????

   My wife & I split up over a family game of buckaroo.... I was left to pick up the pieces

   First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong.I see god is no fan of moon-walkers.

   House party couple of doors away, music sounds awesome, wish I could rock up. Takes me back. These days my 4 yr old has mores parties.

   Paddy found wires sticking out of his sandwich so he phoned the police."Hello I think there's a bomb in my sandwich""Okay, is it tickin" the police man replied"No" paddy said. "I think its tuna".

   I couldn't believe it when my missus called me lazy today.And this is coming from someone who has to sit down to have a piss.

   BBC News - "Wettest June since records began"I blame that 'fifty shades of grey' book.

   I was just about to poach an elephant the other day, when I suddenly thought to myself, "I'm gonna need a bigger saucepan."