Gump Funny Status Messages

   "Covfefe" definition: (Noun) A fidget spinner for the National media.

   My wife has been looking through the window every since it started raining this morning. I suppose I should let her back in.

   A man knocked on my door yesterday asking for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water and shut the door.

   Whatever you do in this life, you should always give it 100 percent, unless you're donating blood.

   I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.

   Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.

   My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.

   Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.