Elbow Funny Status Messages

   should've known it wasn't going to work out between me and my ex. I'm a Leo and he's an A$$hole.

   : Awesome story dude.... Which chapter do you shut the f**k up?

   : You're the reason why God invented the middle finger.

   : Imagine the great things in a person's character you would miss out on if you limited yourself to a list of things you are looking for in a person.

   been so busy lately that even Facebook feels neglected

   : Dear Ex, Don't get your hopes up about the pics of us on Facebook. The reason why I haven't deleted some of the photos is purely because I look good in them.

   : Have you ever been the only sober person in a roomful of drunk people? ... Me neither.

   feels like a playa... just eye-f**ked these hot twins for a solid 10 seconds and I don't even know their names.

   : My neighbours liked my music so much, the called the cops to come and listen.

   : Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement close to midnight on Saturday. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.