Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Ladies are forever saying "all men are dogs", but what they fail to realize is that dogs are loyal as fu¢k if you treat them right.

   I look at my milk carton in the fridge and it read "Feb 14". Even my milk has a Valentine's date and I don't.

   You never see a church with free WiFi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works..

   Real women don't label themselves as 'Dimes', 'Barbies', or 'Bad Bitćhes' because real men don't carry loose change, play with toy dolls, or wife dogs.

   Be careful of those who pat you on the back. They might be looking for a soft spot to plant the knife.

   I bet you'll never see a fight break out in marijuana clubs.........

   I spilled ice out of my cup while I was outside and all of a sudden, my state has shutdown.

   For once in my life, I like to push a cart in Walmart, let it go and roll for at least two feet straight WITHOUT fu¢king turning left on its own.

   Don't tell me what they said about me, tell me why they're comfortable telling you.

   Ants kill around 30 people a year......Marijuana is safer than ants.