Corn Squeezins Funny Status Messages

   Halloween is just a made up holiday, created by the razor blade industry.

   The lower the number of dates you've had is directly proportionate to the greater the chances of your winning on Jeopardy.

   Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn’t have that, then she’s mine.

   My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I can't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

   An Italian chick Linda Orsini, had a lesbi@n girlfriend named Jeannie. To her partner she said, "let's have pasta in bed", and they both enjoyed cunnilinguini.

   I wasn't feeling right so I went to the doctor. He told me the problem was I was half black. I said, "What should I do?" He told me to eat two watermelons and call him in the morning."

   My 300 lb. sister got a belly ring. I peeked at the receipt, it was from U-Haul. She got a hitch.

   What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 5 years your job still sucks.

   Brass Monkey - That funky Monkey Brass Monkey - Junkie That funky Monkey. That's funny, right? No? Dang.