Cj Funny Status Messages

   Next time I see a car with like, 90 stick children on it, I am taping a condom to the window.

   I must confess...I want to get back with my ex..LOL just kidding! I would rather Sh*t in my hand and clap!!!

   It's time for my weekly game of, "Let's see how long I can drive with my gas light on."

   My relationship status just changed to sweatpants oreos and netflix!

   With all do respect to Whitney (may she RIP), why did she not fix her child's teeth!!

   apparently just having one of those days....tonight is definitely going to be sponsored by Coors light!!

   I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

   Debt collectors calling you? They dont call ME anymore after I answer the phone "Homicide, Detective Smith speaking, please give me your full name and direct affiliation with the victim who's phone you've just called." Problem solved!

   They say, "You are what you eat" That's funny. I don't remember eating a sexy beast this morning.

   B*tch please, I can remove 99% of your so called "Beauty" with a kleenex.