@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages

   If laziness was an Olympic sport, I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

   I just ordered a plunger and a spatula on Amazon so next time you order one and it recommends the other, you can thank me

   Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!

   Who else's favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."

   Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet.

   I am making an omelet out of Cadbury Eggs and jellybeans.

   I love millennials. Their are so many parallel parking spaces they don't know how to park.

   No matter what happens in life, NEVER give up on my dreams. That is why I sleep till noon.

   One good thing about this winter snow storm, is it makes my lawn look as good as my neighbors.

   Be right back, I'm gonna go pet that dog. Me, drunk, about to get butted by a goat. 🐐