@MiserableMadge Funny Status Messages

   In the London Marathon I did 4 hours, 1 minute and 9 seconds last year. Will try to beat that, but I seem to get bored and turn over to watch something else.

   I’m not saying she’s a slut, but she’s been banged more times than a snooze button on Monday morning.

   If you ever think you're ugly just remember it's because you are.

   Congratulations on your ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing.

   I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.

   You're 15... You should be feeling butterflies in your tummy, not a baby kicking.

   Why do midgets laugh when they run? The grass tickles their balls.

   At any given time, the urge to sing "The lion sleeps tonight" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

   20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs... Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.