Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon few people know that "trump" is a Russian word meaning "tiny handed buffoon who can't close the deal."
←Rate | 03-27-2017 17:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Trump's nose grew every time he told a lie, Melania could wipe his nose for him in New York when he is sniffling in Washington.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New course now available at Trump University! The Art Of The Deal: Step 1) Bargain. 2) Fail. 3) Give up. 4) Blame others. 5) Go golfing.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Don't be afraid to walk away. Make crazy claims you can't back up. Blame everyone else. Whine. Sit in a big truck." -- The Art of the Deal
←Rate | 03-27-2017 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Future Job For Kellyanne Conway: Starbucks Barrista.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Auditioning for the television show Storage Wars. ME: Paper cup? $50. Plastic spork? $35. Used tissue? $75. I think I got this audition in the bag!
←Rate | 03-27-2017 11:58 by Iplsports Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
←Rate | 03-27-2017 11:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twisted Personal Ads: SWM seeking SWF. Age, ethnicity and religion not important. Nymphomaniacal tendencies and chronic laryngitis are a plus. Please reply to Box OU692
←Rate | 03-27-2017 10:46 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon A large portion of my day consists of rushing frantically to places I don't really want to go to.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 05:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The moment Steve Bannon tells you to keep your mouth shut is the moment you start yelling as loud as you can.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 05:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to the United Nations' World Happiness Report, Norway is the happiest country in the world. They must not watch The Kardashians.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 05:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Monster Nursery Rhymes: Humpty Dumpty fell off of Trump's wall and had no health insurance.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 05:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The way Donald Trump’s season is going, he’ll have the first pick in next year’s draft.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trump bills Germany $300 BILLION for Nato (even though that's not how it works). Dude will try anything to recoup his Trump Steak losses.
←Rate | 03-27-2017 05:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The leader of the Freedom Caucus confirmed to CNN today that they wouldn't vote yes because Trump didn't say "please".
←Rate | 03-26-2017 22:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your call is very important to us so please enjoy this flute solo for the next 90 minutes
←Rate | 03-26-2017 19:33 by Me E Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there is watermelon why isn't there firemelon and airmelon and earthmelon. You know…the elemelons
←Rate | 03-26-2017 19:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say that ignorance is bliss but I find it rather disturbing.
←Rate | 03-26-2017 15:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of all the poop in this world, who decided that bat shyt's the craziest?
←Rate | 03-26-2017 15:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tough part of being vegan is getting up @ 5 am to milk the almonds...
←Rate | 03-26-2017 15:13 Comments (0)  




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