BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Some damn people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.

   I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only time I update my status is when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time

   There are people who are only alive thanks to the fact that killing is illegal

   I wish you could pick a brand of car, and every few years you'd get an upgrade. Like with phones.

   Yeah, I'm F.I.N.E., (F)alling apart, (I)nsecure, (N)eeding help, (E)verything's wrong.

   Whenever I wake up on my own, I am automatically thrown in a panic of whether or not I slept through my alarm.

   If facebook showed how many times I visited your profile, I'm dead. 

   FEAR = F*ck Everything And Run.

   When I say "It's a long story" to you, It usually means I just don't want to tell you or I'm just lazy to.

   Since Facebook shows everyone when you like or comment to someone's pic. Wouldnt it be fair if it did the same when you remove someone? and the reason Why?

   Teacher: why are you late? Me: why does it matter? you still get paid, right?

   Talking about me behind my back? That means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.

   Ladies, if you can't be with your crush... always look fabulous. someday he may wanna be with YOU!

   Don't stand too close to the heater honey, plastic melts

   Some people can kill two birds with one stone.... I on the other hand can kill 2 pigs with one bird!

   Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss.

   Someone told me a while back. Your not in a relationship unless its official on Facebook. I just wanted to slap em right there.

   What so sad is when you're trying to get over someone you never even dated.

   8 year old kids today have Facebook, twitter, phones, iPod. When I was there age, I had a coloring book, crayons, chalk, and imagination.