BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Relationships nowadays: First month, I love you baby! Second month, we are forever! Third month, Single.

   I once had a life … then some idiot came and told me to make a Facebook!

   Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention' as their Facebook status.

   Deleting your Facebook is just like running away from home. Your're just doing it for attention and you'll be back in an hour or so..

   It's amazing the places I will wander to in my house while I talk on the phone.

   Women are magicians, they can change anything into an argument.

   They need to make an app that shows you what your name is saved as in other people's phone.

   Whenever I see someone running in normal clothes, I immediately assume something is wrong.

   im 99% sure you dont like me, and I'm 100% sure I dont care

   FML #18402392Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip.

   Success is just like being Pregnant, everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were f%@ked.

   I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."

   Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement close to midnight on Saturday. Increasing chance of big regret and big hangover for Sunday.

   Those girls, fake hair color, fake nails, fake tan, fake eye lashes.. and yet they wonder why they can't find a "real" man

   Jamaican GPS' would be soo great. “TURN AROUND, MON. YOU GOIN' DE WRONG WAY. TURN DE ODDA WAY MON. KEEP GOIN' DATTA WAY, MON. TURN COMIN' UP ON DE NEXT LEFT. YOU GOT DIS, MON.”

   The three phases of love: 1. XOXO 2. XXX 2. EX

   I'm not talking about Facebook, I want to know how to block you in real life.

   Tired of being single? Go sleep on the couch for a night and remember what it feels like to be in a relationship. 

   If you had to guess how many times I've visited your Facebook profile what would you say?

   I've always wanted to know what was Victoria's secret…