Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 966 of 6383
I'd be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
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02-02-2017 17:46
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When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume itโs for them?
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02-02-2017 17:46
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I don't really WANT to make bad choices; but I'm always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
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02-02-2017 17:45
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One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.
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02-02-2017 17:44
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Donald Trump's hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
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02-02-2017 17:43
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I'm a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don't care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
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02-02-2017 17:42
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I'm not the type of guy to " keep the little woman in the kitchen" Not when there is yard work to do and a car to wash !
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02-02-2017 17:36
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Subpoena...Such a silly word. Sounds like a term used to describe a man who is below average downstairs.
The opossum, skunk, squirrel and groundhog saw their shadows today, but didn't see the .๐ that smashed them on the highway
Beer, because no good story ever started with a salad .
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02-02-2017 17:24
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How was the peaceful protest at Berkeley last night? Did they quitely sing kumbaya?
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02-02-2017 15:46 by John Y
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Well, It is becoming very self evident who the REAL and True Tolerant people in the US are. Just look who can't refrain from being violent.
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02-02-2017 14:20
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Donald Trump's hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting
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02-02-2017 13:22
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Well, Groundhog Day has been a bust. As Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his burrow, he was immediately detained and subjected to extreme vetting to determine whether he holds anti-American views. The ACLU is protesting and demanding his release.
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02-02-2017 13:15
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It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
My doctor needed a stool, a ur-ine, a se-men and a blood sample. I gave him my underwear.
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02-02-2017 10:04 by Mickey
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The definition of a Canadian - An unarmed American with Health Insurance!
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02-02-2017 09:45
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I don't drink water anymore, not after what it did to the Grand Canyon
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02-02-2017 07:14 by Mikey c
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Lesson learned: Never try to make pizza dough in the washing machine without first turning off the hoses. Okay. Never try to make pizza dough in the washing machine, period.
Some say laughter is the best medicine. I prefer sedatives.
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02-02-2017 07:07
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