Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon No surprise Penn State is in the bad news category again, they are a conservative school. Smh.....
←Rate | 05-15-2017 17:44 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Anonymous goes to doctor. During the prostate exam he says, "Hey doc your ring is kinda hurting me, can you take it off?" The Doctor says "I'm sorry, that's not my ring that's my watch."
←Rate | 05-15-2017 11:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women love taking showers in boiling hot water, because it reminds them of hell, where they come from ...
←Rate | 05-15-2017 09:53 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Girlfriend: Mick, I'm miserable in our relationship. Me: FOR REAL? Girlfriend: Yes. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I've lost 10 lbs. Me: So you're saying it's over? Girlfriend: Well, not yet. I wanna lose 15.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 09:18 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cut my finger when changing the spark plugs on my car. This proves that it *is* possible to get blood out of a tune-up.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 07:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone should tell all the police officers, teachers, firefighters and military people that apparently the *real* heroes are gays that go public.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mothers Day!! For those who aren't Moms and want to be I'm available!!!
←Rate | 05-14-2017 13:47 by Bridger Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money doesn't buy happiness! Hold on, let me finish scratching these Lotto tickets.
←Rate | 05-14-2017 10:21 by Stephan Comments (1)  


   messageicon Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
←Rate | 05-14-2017 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mother's Day to my sister for having my kids......some Trump supporter maybe....
←Rate | 05-14-2017 08:18 Comments (14)  


   messageicon My wife accused me of being immature, I told her to get out of my fort
←Rate | 05-14-2017 07:35 by Dp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Steve Miller.. "Some call me the gangster of love"..... Steve Miller`so band... "Ummm, yeah,,, Nobody calls him that"....
←Rate | 05-14-2017 03:49 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to seem like a snob,,, but I was the only one to not use a coupon for our Mothers day lunch..
←Rate | 05-14-2017 03:43 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon From a purely ironical perspective,,, He's going to actually walk onto 5th Ave and shoot somebody before this actually ends,,, right?
←Rate | 05-14-2017 03:35 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q. Whats the mating call of a Blackbird? A. Stick it in me Leroy!
←Rate | 05-14-2017 03:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home, ,, The more homeless I look.
←Rate | 05-14-2017 03:25 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon In order to reconnect with my conspiracy theory family, ,, I've joined 20 "flat-earth" groups on Facebook
←Rate | 05-14-2017 03:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm beginning to think the Romans were lucky,,,,, At least Nero could play an instrument. .
←Rate | 05-14-2017 03:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do the movies Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.
←Rate | 05-13-2017 20:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
←Rate | 05-13-2017 20:29 Comments (0)  




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