Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 960 of 6446

Anti-wrinkle cream takes all the creases off your face and puts them on Tommy Lee Jones.
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05-18-2017 15:18 by snotty
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When Spock mind melds with Kirk they're collectively known as Spork.
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05-18-2017 15:17 by snotty
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If you're not blowing chunks of wedding cake out of your nose for 3 days after the wedding, ,, are you even technically married?
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05-18-2017 15:12 by snotty
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If a gynecologist uses an instrument called a speculum, does a proctologist use an instrument called a reculum?
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05-18-2017 12:49
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Employee: We have to stop testing our products on animals. Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time. Employee: Yeah, but we make hammers.
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05-18-2017 12:26
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
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05-18-2017 11:34 by Mick
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If 007 can sport a romper who are you to judge? Goldfinger & a Romper!
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05-18-2017 10:29 by sparkles
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I put on my pants the same as everyone else. Reluctantly.
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05-18-2017 10:24
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Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family
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05-18-2017 05:27
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Do they have Twitter in prison? I'm asking for a friend....

I'm so old, I remember when being a socialist made you a Nazi or a Communist
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05-16-2017 19:32
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To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn't easy.
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05-16-2017 11:22
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Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet
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05-16-2017 09:51 by Dp
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Confucius say wife who keep husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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05-16-2017 07:15
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A Jehovah's Witness guy showed up at my door so I invited him, I sat him down and said, "So, what do you have to tell me?" He said, "I don’t know, I've never made it this far."
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05-16-2017 07:14
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There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
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05-16-2017 07:13
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Breaking New's: Trump Admistration set to announce Bernie Madoff as IRS Commissioner....
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05-16-2017 01:34
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The easiest person to make fun of today would have to been the Walmartian who was stalking the corn dog samples.
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05-15-2017 23:17
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Dr: You'll be at peace soon. Me: Am I dying? Dr: No, your wife is...
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05-15-2017 19:35
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I was in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded... Track number 5 will blow your mind.
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05-15-2017 18:20 by snotty
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