Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 960 of 6383
Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head. I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.
Hillary lost, get over yourselves....
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02-08-2017 18:43 by GR
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If it wasn't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.
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02-08-2017 18:23
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There should be a sign at every red light that reads "Selfie Center and Facebook check in area" .... you know, just to make it official.
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02-08-2017 11:53
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How the heck did America go from "E Pluribus Unum" to .... "E Unibus Plurum?"
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02-08-2017 11:18
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I went to a karaoke bar last night that only played music from the 1970’s. I didn’t want to sing but they handed me the mic. At first I was afraid. I was petrified. And I spent the night thinking how my friends did me wrong but I grew strong and I lea
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02-08-2017 11:08
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I am constantly putting things where they don’t belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people.
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02-08-2017 10:26
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So Obama likes surfing. That PROVES he's more in touch with his white side. Blacks are afraid of the water.
Just found out that my girlfriend is really BAD at cooking .... She just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon.
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02-08-2017 10:25
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I went to a karaoke bar last night that refused to play songs from the 70's. At first I was afraid,I was petrified.
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02-08-2017 09:47 by Cicci
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... Well, I guess we now know what happens when social media is your only source of thought and conscience devoid of any common sense!
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02-08-2017 09:46
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I'm so old that I remember when people cared for their country and defended the constitution instead of trashing it and burning it to the ground.
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02-08-2017 09:45
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Went to Walmart and some lady was escorted out of the store as she was complaining that all the bananas were bent...
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02-08-2017 09:40
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It's protesting when civil rights are violated. Protesting for not getting your way is called whining.
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02-08-2017 09:03
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They say"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Well I have been alive a long time and had 2 near death experiences and I have not gained an ounce in muscles yet.
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02-08-2017 07:24
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I'll bet Rosa Parks could really kick ass at Musical Chairs.
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02-08-2017 07:19
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Dear americans: you DO know the rest of the world are laughing at you, don't you?
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02-08-2017 06:27
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The Chinese built a wall and no Mexican can be found. See? See? IT WORKS!
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02-08-2017 06:25
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We should build a wall around Trump.
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02-08-2017 06:24
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At this very moment, Mexicans are building ladders.
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02-08-2017 06:23
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