Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Anti-wrinkle cream takes all the creases off your face and puts them on Tommy Lee Jones.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 15:18 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When Spock mind melds with Kirk they're collectively known as Spork.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 15:17 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you're not blowing chunks of wedding cake out of your nose for 3 days after the wedding, ,, are you even technically married?
←Rate | 05-18-2017 15:12 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon If a gynecologist uses an instrument called a speculum, does a proctologist use an instrument called a reculum?
←Rate | 05-18-2017 12:49 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Employee: We have to stop testing our products on animals. Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time. Employee: Yeah, but we make hammers.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 11:34 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon If 007 can sport a romper who are you to judge? Goldfinger & a Romper!
←Rate | 05-18-2017 10:29 by sparkles Comments (1)  


   messageicon I put on my pants the same as everyone else. Reluctantly.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 10:24 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family
←Rate | 05-18-2017 05:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do they have Twitter in prison? I'm asking for a friend....
←Rate | 05-18-2017 00:51 by Donald Trump Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm so old, I remember when being a socialist made you a Nazi or a Communist
←Rate | 05-16-2017 19:32 Comments (1)  


   messageicon To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn't easy.
←Rate | 05-16-2017 11:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parallel lines have so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet
←Rate | 05-16-2017 09:51 by Dp Comments (1)  


   messageicon Confucius say wife who keep husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
←Rate | 05-16-2017 07:15 Comments (1)  


   messageicon A Jehovah's Witness guy showed up at my door so I invited him, I sat him down and said, "So, what do you have to tell me?" He said, "I don’t know, I've never made it this far."
←Rate | 05-16-2017 07:14 Comments (2)  


   messageicon There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
←Rate | 05-16-2017 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking New's: Trump Admistration set to announce Bernie Madoff as IRS Commissioner....
←Rate | 05-16-2017 01:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The easiest person to make fun of today would have to been the Walmartian who was stalking the corn dog samples.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 23:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dr: You'll be at peace soon. Me: Am I dying? Dr: No, your wife is...
←Rate | 05-15-2017 19:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was in a band called Click Bait. You won't believe the kind of music we recorded... Track number 5 will blow your mind.
←Rate | 05-15-2017 18:20 by snotty Comments (0)  




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