Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   You don't know how strong you are until you have no other option.

   You only live once. Have fun, enjoy life to the fullest, do what you want and don't look back, smile, love somebody. live for the future, not the past. Life is too short to be p!ssed off all the time!

   I live by my own rules... that my gf has reviewed, revised and then approved. BUT STILL MY OWN RULES!!!!

   I'm putting way too much pressure on my coffee this morning.

   New T.V. show idea... BEER FACTOR. "How many beers do you think it will take to get him/her to eat this bug?"

   I hope no one chooses me as their one phone call in jail. I don't even answer when my mom calls.

   I can only hope that someday I have the self esteem of the 300 pound guy wearing spandex that just came in.

   One man's trash is another man's daughter.

   I tasted my own medicine. It's bacon flavored and hallucinogenic. Thanks for the advice!

   I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I'll get ripped in 15 minutes.

   Having female friends is a lot like having a pet tiger. Fun in theory, but you're always waiting for the day they turn on you.

   When someone tells me to guess something and I don't but they keep telling me to try, I start to guess they want to be punched in the face.

   I've had a rough week, so I'm going to watch Jersey Shore to feel better about my life.

   Well-behaved people rarely make history.

   I generally don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

   Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."

   Society needs both optimists and pessimists. For example, an optimist invented the airplane while a pessimist invented the parachute.

   Few things broadcast one's idiocy like driving a car that has wheels that look like they cost more than the car itself.

   What a day, I'm so tired already! I sent three faxes, answered the phone once, had lunch, made a paper airplane and sent 452 updates.

   Wow, some people will do anything for a "like" on Facebook. Anyways if you agree like my status.