BEGO Funny Status Messages

   My relationship status is like my iPad... I don't have an iPad

   2011: I'm sexy and I know it. 1836: I am physically attractive and I am aware of this statement.

   Some people are just not worth my energy.

   Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you

   That split second when you are 100% sure ur gunna die after you lean to far back in ur chair

   i hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we havent thought about in a while...demons."

   Money means nothing to me. If you don't believe me, ask me for money. You'll get nothing.

   Seriously guys , she didn't slap me on the face for calling her a b**ch, its just that I forgot to raise my hand when she wants to high five with me.

   Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, look at phone, check Facebook…  

   Your breath smells so bad, I don't know whether to give you a tic tac or toilet paper…

   Admit it, you love them so you Facebook stalk them. You over think your status updates in case they read them & you look @ all their photos several times a day.

   When I am home alone and I hear a noise, I freeze and listen.

   There should be some sort of device that instantly makes my bed less comfortable when my alarm goes off in the morning.

   Ambulances and women have a lot in common… they both make a ton of noise to let you know they are coming!

   There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego.

   I hate it when people are at your house and ask, “Hey do you have a bathroom?” Nooooo not at all, we all dump in the yard.

   Sometimes, I throw clean clothes in the hamper because I'm too lazy to fold them.

   You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

   Facebook reminds me daily how moving out of my hometown was a great idea

   We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper