Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 959 of 6446

The "nut job" told the "nut jobs" that the head of the FBI is a "nut job" You can't make this stuff up
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05-20-2017 13:59
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I plan on buying some men's Rompers. Right after I get a vag installed in the space where my dik and b@lls once occupied.
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05-20-2017 10:31
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I'll never understand someone from upstate NY bragging about their food. Listen up, Schenectady, you're not NYC, you're Vermont Jr.
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05-20-2017 10:13
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The earliest bird gets the worm, and the second mouse gets the cheese
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05-19-2017 16:37 by Dp
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Fidget Spinners: Is that like really small women with Turetts Syndrome?
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05-19-2017 16:14
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Having a terrible night with my date and her husband
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05-19-2017 15:05
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Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
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05-19-2017 15:05
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If God loves us why do we have ear hair
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05-19-2017 15:04
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Ted Cruz arrested for cannibalism after eating a bowl of Jell-O
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05-19-2017 15:04
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Roger Ailes (1940-2017) is survived by Satan, Cerberus and Bill O'Reilly.
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05-19-2017 14:58
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CNN just published a study that states if you skip breakfast, eat a light lunch and a big dinner, you won't lose weight. In a related study, fire is hot...
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05-19-2017 12:43
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My exercise program consists of following women at the store who are wearing tight yoga pants.
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05-19-2017 10:53
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I was once bitten by a rattlesnake. After three days of painful suffering and writhing in agony it finally died.
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05-19-2017 10:42
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Literally the day after the special investigation and this is found. Count your days Teabillies, back to the trailer parks you go.
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05-19-2017 05:34
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Know why single women are so thin? They come home, look in the fridge and go to bed, married women come home, look in the bed and go to the fridge.
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05-19-2017 05:06
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They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.
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05-19-2017 05:05
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Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
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05-19-2017 05:05
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Based on the speed and incline of the treadmill, the woman next to me at the gym broke up 2 weeks ago
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05-19-2017 05:05
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If it weren't for marriage, many of us would go through life thinking we had no faults at all
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05-19-2017 05:04
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I walked in my girlfriend cheating on me with a 6 '8 280 lb Linebacker all I said was " Yo Sis, Dinner is ready"
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05-18-2017 16:27
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