Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 953 of 6446

Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
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06-04-2017 08:33 by Sms
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I thought that noose around a mocked Obama's neck was funny too......
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06-03-2017 21:07
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Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!
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06-03-2017 20:33
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We all name our dogs....But.... Wonder what they call us .....

Just found a $5 bill in the dryer that must have fallen out of my pants pocket. Looks like I'm guilty of money laundering.
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06-03-2017 12:24
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I wonder if there's a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
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06-03-2017 09:50
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A home DNA test kit does not make a good baby shower gift.
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06-03-2017 07:36
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I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
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06-02-2017 23:37
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Can we have a NO Kathy Griffin button?
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06-02-2017 13:58 by Rick H.
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Pulling out of Paris should be a porn, not a reality
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06-02-2017 10:44 by JW
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If the start of a Basketball game is called a Tip-off, why isn’t the start of a Hockey game called a Puck-off?
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06-02-2017 08:37
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Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
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06-02-2017 08:36
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Every now and then when I'm in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you're listening". If I'm wrong, nobody knows. If I'm right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
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06-02-2017 08:35
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And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
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06-02-2017 08:31
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I want you all to know, I read your post while pooping
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06-02-2017 07:20 by Mas
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Im offended by sexual terms. I think I'll post pictures on the internet of myself depicting a terr0rist group.
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06-01-2017 23:00
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When Trump said he was planning to drain the swamps I thought it was a metaphor.
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06-01-2017 22:56
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Kathy Griffins next show will be "What ever happened to..."
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06-01-2017 22:48
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Charlie Sheen has all this "tiger" blood I guess its only fair Tiger has a little "Charlie" blood.
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06-01-2017 22:47
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Charlie Sheern has all this "tiger" blood I guess its only fair Tiger has a little "Charlie" blood.
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06-01-2017 22:46
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