Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 953 of 6383
Why is it we always have money for wars, but we can't feed the poor?
The sign at the florist's said, "Say It With Flowers." I go in and ordered one rose. The guy asks me if I'm cheap. I go, "No, I'm a man of few words."
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02-18-2017 14:31 by Mickey
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Why I hate House Hunters. Amy is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Abe manages a Taco Bell. Abe: Our budget is $4 million
if H( . ) ( . )ters were to become a door to door service... I hope they have to change their name to Kn( . ) ( . )ckers...
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02-18-2017 09:57
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Put your index fingers together and keep your eyes on your left finger while slowly moving your hands apart. While still looking at your left finger, touch your nose with your right finger. Now stop doing that.
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02-18-2017 09:55
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My Favorite machine at the Gym has to be the Television
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02-18-2017 09:36
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They only way I'd watch 50 Shades Darker is if the guy tied up our garbage bags and dominated the yard work.
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02-18-2017 09:35
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My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can't help but think that my days around here are numbered...
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02-18-2017 09:33
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Preschoolers talk a lot of trash when playing Chutes and Ladders for little people who needs help counting spaces.
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02-18-2017 09:32
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The odds that Trump will get a fair shake from the corned beef pickle munching media are about as good as the odds I'll get a Justin Bieber tattoo in the small of my back!
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02-17-2017 17:46
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My 90 y/o Grandpa is living proof how lazy immigrants are. He hasn't worked in 20 years!
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02-17-2017 16:22
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Most immigrants still have a lot to learn about America. Like, if you're going to take a day off, take Friday, not Thursday...
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02-17-2017 15:26
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That whole day without immigrants was just as bad as Y2K
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02-17-2017 14:49
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Wanna meet me at Taco Bell? The Day Without Illegal Migrants means we'll get plenty of sauce packets and napkins.
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02-17-2017 12:21 by Mickey
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I have good taste, I just don't have the money to prove it.
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02-17-2017 11:40
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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult,, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
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02-17-2017 11:19
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OH there's nothing quite as funny as poster's tossing insults instead of comic relief....
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02-17-2017 11:07
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The real Troll Hunter is a stupid, little shy guy without any self-confidence who has a big flap on the internet and at home he is sitting while peeing… because his mom told himso
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02-17-2017 09:25
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User "Anonymous" you are the most annoying person on earth. If there is anything wrong or negative to say to anything you are the man! Get a life or at least a job…
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02-17-2017 08:47
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You people do realize that Trump's wife is an immigrant, right? Yes. And she is a LEGAL immigrant.
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02-17-2017 07:43
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