Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 952 of 6446

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when the crook gave up and threw the gun at him?
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06-05-2017 07:25
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Surely if Steve Buscemi of all ugly people can have a successful career in Hollywood, there is nothing that should stop you from achieving your own goals.
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06-05-2017 07:05
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Your small talk is beginning to make my eye twitch.
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06-05-2017 02:53 by psycho
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How does Ice-T order an Iced Tea without sounding like a douche?
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06-04-2017 19:41
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Who needs conspiracy theories when reality is crazy enough lately. .. ugh
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06-04-2017 16:59 by snotty
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Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren't you Ice-T?"
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06-04-2017 16:56 by snotty
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I'm by no means an athlete, but I just did a perfect Triple Lutz getting out of my hammock
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06-04-2017 16:55 by snotty
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I just want the confidence of a short guy in a big SUV.
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06-04-2017 12:42
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I don't mind helping people as long as I'm not slightly inconvenienced.
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06-04-2017 12:39
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It's okay, you guys. People on Facebook have changed their profile pictures, sent their prayers and thoughts. So terrorism should end shortly.
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06-04-2017 12:38
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Ladies, it's not a birth month or even a birth week. It's a birthday. You get to celebrate one f'n day, ok?
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06-04-2017 09:38
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Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
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06-04-2017 08:33 by Sms
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I thought that noose around a mocked Obama's neck was funny too......
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06-03-2017 21:07
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Me: Do you want to have the best sex of your life tonight? Her: No. Me: Then I'm your guy!
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06-03-2017 20:33
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We all name our dogs....But.... Wonder what they call us .....

Just found a $5 bill in the dryer that must have fallen out of my pants pocket. Looks like I'm guilty of money laundering.
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06-03-2017 12:24
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I wonder if there's a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.
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06-03-2017 09:50
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A home DNA test kit does not make a good baby shower gift.
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06-03-2017 07:36
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I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
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06-02-2017 23:37
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Can we have a NO Kathy Griffin button?
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06-02-2017 13:58 by Rick H.
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