Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wonder Woman an icon representing male objectification or female empowerment?

   At the time getting into a relationship seemed like a good idea... but then again so did getting on the Titanic

   Almost that time if tear to whip out the Ol' cellular device and record a bunch of fireworks I'll never watch again.

   My newest pet peeve on Facebook lately when someone asks for a suggestion on hotels restaurants vacations spots etc.. google it you lazy/dumb F$)&tart.

   They say that shopping while you are hungry is the worst thing you can do, but I think clubbing a seal is, at least, equally bad.

   When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.

   n’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and another that’s like “I don’t know how to hold a pencil"

   Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.

   If you think this message is a display of stupidity, just wait until you read the one below this...

   I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.

   How can Canadians be so nice and their geese be such a-holes??

   If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few payments

   When I went into Rehab the sign over the door said "Abandon all dope, ye who enter."

   I'm gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".

   This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.

   Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And the last day of your life so far.

   Just remember: We are best friend. If you fall, I will always be there to help you back up. As soon as I finish laughing my ass off.

   Short term goal, today get past annoying Monday and Monday's close friends, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday before hanging out with Friday and Friday's hot friends Saturday and Sunday.

   And when I die, this will all be yours. *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags

   Just helped an elderly man cross the street by honking my horn repeatedly