Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I wonder if Tupac will make it to his movie premier??
←Rate | 06-16-2017 17:40 by Jon H Comments (2)  


   messageicon If you are ever stuck babysitting your nieces and nephews, give them each a 5-Hour Energy drink just before returning them to Mom and Dad.
←Rate | 06-16-2017 13:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2017!
←Rate | 06-16-2017 12:32 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Wonder Woman earned $300 million worldwide in its first week. "Wonder Man" earned $400 million for doing the same job.
←Rate | 06-16-2017 10:41 Comments (15)  


   messageicon Fun fact: if you shush a librarian they have to grant you three wishes.
←Rate | 06-16-2017 08:38 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does ke$ha go by k€sha when she's in Europe?
←Rate | 06-15-2017 20:53 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My dishwasher broke. Anyone knows where I should take her and get her fixed?
←Rate | 06-15-2017 20:33 by TROLLMASTER Comments (1)  


   messageicon I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.
←Rate | 06-15-2017 17:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If she asks you what you want for Father's Day. Tell her to take you off child support.
←Rate | 06-15-2017 15:40 by Surhater Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'd think by the amount of people claiming to have native blood that we native men would have a better reputation as lovers
←Rate | 06-15-2017 00:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I didn't get an Oscar nomination for my performance in, "No, I never got your text!"
←Rate | 06-14-2017 21:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't throw away your fidget spinners. Fidget spinners won't kill you. The only thing fidget spinners kill is time.
←Rate | 06-14-2017 11:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am you think, i'm glad these are here.
←Rate | 06-13-2017 09:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, don't get your panties in a bunch. The ones sold individually are much nicer.
←Rate | 06-13-2017 09:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people share "Lost Dog" posts on FB? Most dogs aren't even on FB.
←Rate | 06-13-2017 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked Lebron James for change of a dollar... He gave me only three quarters. I told him he owed me another 25 cents. He told me he doesn't have a fourth quarter.
←Rate | 06-13-2017 07:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ving, my Asian friend wanted to change his name to Lee. We filled out the paperwork and went to the name change office and got in line. He got nervous and wanted to change his mind but I said "Don't stop, be Lee Ving!!"
←Rate | 06-12-2017 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the store to buy some invisible tape, but I didn't see any.
←Rate | 06-12-2017 11:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It isn't a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I'm fine by the way.
←Rate | 06-12-2017 10:29 by Zumba Di Comments (0)  


   messageicon The police want to interview me which is strange, I didn't even apply for a job there..
←Rate | 06-12-2017 09:55 by JoeMama Comments (0)  




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