Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 949 of 6453

Shouldn't a female Pit Bull be called a Pit Cow?
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07-11-2017 09:37
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"Oh, Darwin! Oh, Scientific Method!" -things atheists say during sex.
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07-11-2017 09:34
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Shouldn't there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
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07-11-2017 09:34
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If you don't own a dog whistle you can use two teenage girls who haven't seen each other in a month.
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07-11-2017 09:33
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One of the worst jobs in the world has to be a fruit stand vendor in a James Bond movie.
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07-11-2017 09:28
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hy do guys go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. There's like 10 women to each man and they're already there looking for things they don't need.
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07-11-2017 08:15
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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
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07-11-2017 08:14
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y doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream. Now all I want to do is rub it in.
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07-11-2017 05:59
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Which rock group has 4 men that can’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
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07-11-2017 05:59
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.Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel. She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.
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07-11-2017 05:58
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I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
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07-11-2017 05:58
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Christopher Columbus was the first socialist. "He did not know where he was going, he did not know where he was, and he did it all at taxpayers expense."
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07-11-2017 05:57
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It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea.
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07-11-2017 05:56
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Somewhere there's a guy named Jayden K. Smith wondering why nobody will accept his FB friend requests
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07-10-2017 23:53 by Sharp
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Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms should be a Convenience Store; not a government agency.
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07-10-2017 21:53
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X and Jayden K. Smith are now friends.
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07-10-2017 20:13
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The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart. The fact that her boobs are in front of it is not men's fault.
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07-10-2017 19:55
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Me: I need to ask you a serious question. GF: OK! First, let me get my mother, sister, BFF and college roommate on speakerphone!! Me: OK, why does a wool sweater shrink when you wash it but sheep don't shrink when it rains??
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07-10-2017 18:22
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I love dieting I'm actually on 4 diets: Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.
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07-10-2017 17:03 by Aerotim
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It's so hot out that gangs are doing drive-bys with water pistols!
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07-10-2017 15:59
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