Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 947 of 6383
March 4th, the only day of the year that actually tells you to go do something.
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03-04-2017 07:43
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Negative People irks my nerves.. worry about yourself... maybe you're not getting promoted cuz you so negative!!!!
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03-04-2017 00:33
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From now on I will only accept apologies in cash......
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03-04-2017 00:33 by jitney
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I just saw a man at the beach yelling ”help shark help” I just laughed I know that shark wasn't going to help him...
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03-04-2017 00:33 by jitney
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I was going to moving to Russia if Hillary won the election. . .
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03-03-2017 23:47 by JAB
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Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
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03-03-2017 19:38 by barber
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The secret of our marriage is chemistry. She's on Valium and I'm on Prozac.
Chicks with nice b( . )( . )bs always seem to say the right things.
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03-03-2017 12:27
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Can you imagine the outrage if Obama had refused to share his taxes with the people?
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03-03-2017 12:20
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Just remember when you vote that they care more about party than country.
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03-03-2017 12:19
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Relax America. The Russians have now confirmed there was nothing going on between them and the White House. What more do you need?
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03-03-2017 10:54
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Alcohol is like a push up bra for your personality...
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03-03-2017 10:14
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I thought we had something. You met my family, you made me dinner, you called me Honey. Now suddenly you are just a "waitress" who was "doing her job".
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03-03-2017 10:03
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What’s the difference between an art student and a philosophy student? A philosophy student asks you why you want fries with that
My wife wanted to try something different in bed last night. So we had sex.
I walked into a florist today and said “I want a bunch of flowers for my wife.” The cashier looked at me and said, “What are you after?” I said, “Some sex.”
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight,… to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
This giraffe is such an attention hog they should name the baby "Kardashian".
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03-02-2017 15:27 by Bob W
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Whenever I read the phrase "We've changed our privacy policy," Naturally I assume they already have pictures of me on the toilet.
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03-02-2017 14:30
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This Crazy lady with Mad Road rage was yelling out her window at me this morning before work.... "I'm gonna make your life a living hell" ...I yelled back, "Thanks but I'm already married."
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03-02-2017 11:10 by SEAN
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