Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon n’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and another that’s like “I don’t know how to hold a pencil"
←Rate | 06-29-2017 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
←Rate | 06-28-2017 06:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think this message is a display of stupidity, just wait until you read the one below this...
←Rate | 06-28-2017 06:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.
←Rate | 06-27-2017 19:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can Canadians be so nice and their geese be such a-holes??
←Rate | 06-27-2017 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few payments
←Rate | 06-27-2017 09:33 by Dp Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I went into Rehab the sign over the door said "Abandon all dope, ye who enter."
←Rate | 06-27-2017 07:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
←Rate | 06-27-2017 07:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
←Rate | 06-27-2017 02:23 Comments (5)  


   messageicon Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And the last day of your life so far.
←Rate | 06-26-2017 07:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember: We are best friend. If you fall, I will always be there to help you back up. As soon as I finish laughing my ass off.
←Rate | 06-26-2017 07:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Short term goal, today get past annoying Monday and Monday's close friends, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday before hanging out with Friday and Friday's hot friends Saturday and Sunday.
←Rate | 06-26-2017 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And when I die, this will all be yours. *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags
←Rate | 06-24-2017 20:59 by Aaron Comments (2)  


   messageicon Just helped an elderly man cross the street by honking my horn repeatedly
←Rate | 06-24-2017 20:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do Amish girls know if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
←Rate | 06-24-2017 18:21 by Uncle Bubba Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you take a girl to dinner, don't make your eyes huge when you look at the prices on the menu and then tell her she can order a hot dog or a hamburger from the children's menu. (Trust me on this one...)
←Rate | 06-24-2017 10:49 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
←Rate | 06-24-2017 10:10 by BEE Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I'm in a good mood I act like I'm I'm in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
←Rate | 06-24-2017 09:42 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (2)  


   messageicon I pride myself on my vast collection of cruel, petty comebacks.
←Rate | 06-24-2017 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An American cop fearing for his/her life has a right to take yours even if that fear is unfounded.
←Rate | 06-24-2017 08:22 Comments (1)  




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