Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You know what would would solve the whole Kaepernick issue? If only he was a better football player...
←Rate | 08-08-2017 22:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Late for work? Call your boss and tell him you're not coming. He will be so surprised when you show up that he'll forget you were late.
←Rate | 08-08-2017 22:24 by Chencho Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just listened to Usher "Let it Burn" and now I think I have Herpes
←Rate | 08-08-2017 21:00 by Joet Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
←Rate | 08-08-2017 15:11 by Klaus Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder if young Sheldon was attracted to little boys at that age?
←Rate | 08-08-2017 11:58 by McCord_740 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't know why everyone was making such a big deal about LGBT. I've been putting guacamole on my BLT for a long time now. I have now problems with it.
←Rate | 08-08-2017 11:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once tried snorting some coke. And I almost drowned my self.
←Rate | 08-08-2017 07:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
←Rate | 08-08-2017 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Missouri and Oregon became one state. It be known as the show me your beaver state.
←Rate | 08-08-2017 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The body of a man was found in Pizza Hut this morning, covered in cheese, tomatoes, onions and peperami Police are working on the theory that he may have topped himself!!
←Rate | 08-08-2017 05:30 by Trueman Comments (0)  


   messageicon 75% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house. 90% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives.
←Rate | 08-07-2017 23:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two blondes were going to disneyland. When they came to a fork in the road . The sign read "disneyland left" so they went back home.
←Rate | 08-07-2017 22:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 4 out of 3 people struggle with math
←Rate | 08-07-2017 19:03 by P. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that Barry Manilow has announced his gender preference, his songs take on a whole new meaning.
←Rate | 08-07-2017 18:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying your perfume is too strong. I'm just saying the canary was alive before you got here.
←Rate | 08-07-2017 16:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hermit crab" describes me twice.
←Rate | 08-07-2017 12:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Game of Thrones, at its core, has always been a show about how much it sucks to be a horse
←Rate | 08-07-2017 12:26 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Parole board: Are you ready to return to society? OJ: I'm ready to take a stab at it.
←Rate | 08-07-2017 10:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Mrs is visiting her mother this weekend, so the dog and I are smoking cigars and playing poker. In our underware!!!!!
←Rate | 08-07-2017 09:48 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


   messageicon Can someone please invent a screen protector for smartphones that doesn't peel up on the corners? Thank you.
←Rate | 08-07-2017 08:31 Comments (2)  




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