Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 924 of 6383
Mexico has the FBI. The American equivalent of The girl scouts.
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03-29-2017 15:06
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They now say alot of the fake news came out of Russia. Subsequently picked up and reported by CNN
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03-29-2017 15:00
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Hey Mr. President. Mother Nature called. She wants her protection back.
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03-29-2017 11:48
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Waiting for the release of the blockbuster sequel "The Art of the Lie."
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03-29-2017 11:41
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Yesterday a guy asked me "would you give me three dollars for a sandwich?" and I said. "I don't know. Let me see the sandwich."
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03-29-2017 11:40
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I think this lunatic POTUS just needs to get laid. Can someone convince a Melania to take on for the Country?
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03-29-2017 11:38
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Online contest to rename POTUS ... I vote for Pouty McPoutface or Fatty McFatface.
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03-29-2017 11:30
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I think there should be a constitutional amendment where if the president is impeached, they must be placed in a pillory and have actual peaches tossed him. L
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03-29-2017 05:21
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The way this administration is going..... I need something more than coffee , but less than cocaine
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03-29-2017 05:14 by Jbaby
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I never calculate a risk before I take it.
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03-29-2017 02:45
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well,, of course Sea Salt is better than regular salt cuz,, you know, ,,,, fish poop
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03-29-2017 02:02 by snotty
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You're like the Tampax string hanging out of people.
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03-29-2017 01:56
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Before I go out binge drinking I always eat a stick of butter. It doesn't do anything I just make really poor life choices.
Seriously who the hell is still funding and letting Steven Seagul's make movies?
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03-29-2017 01:41
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I met a woman on a date last night , and I don't think it'll work out , she said she's a weekend heroin user. If she can't commit to Heroin, what kind of wife material is she really ?
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03-29-2017 01:41
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"claims he worked like a dog"......i must be getting ripped off because my dog doesnt do any work at all around the house
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03-28-2017 23:04
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.
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03-28-2017 21:26 by Mick
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When your kid is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
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03-28-2017 21:22 by Mick
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Scientists now say the hole in the ozone has been shrinking over the past 15 years and is no longer a problem. If Hillary won we would have been told it doubled. See why we don't trust everything we hear libtards?
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03-28-2017 14:53
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Establish dominance by telling your doctor that you need to lose weight before he tells you that you need to lose weight
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03-28-2017 12:46
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