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Beyonce is sending prayers to her hometown of Houston... I bet if Harvey was a BLM protester tearing things up she'd be sending bail money.
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08-29-2017 14:57 by
John Y
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I believe that children are our future... ...it's why I got the vasectomy.
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08-29-2017 14:38
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Trump condemns Hurricane Harvey for violence and devastation, but insists "Texans have provoked Mother Nature. There's blame on many sides."
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08-29-2017 14:25
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Lady Gaga, Demi Lovato, Hillary Duff and Beyonce say they are sending their prayers to Houston. I feel like such a jerk. All I sent was money.
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08-29-2017 13:26
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Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.
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08-29-2017 11:33
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I saw a chameleon today, but if I was able to see it I guess it wasn't a very good chameleon.
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08-29-2017 11:32
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I don't need drugs to have a good time. But I do need them to focus, avoid depression, survive winter, fall asleep, stay awake, control my blood pressure, calm myself down, and to avoid choking the hell out of stupid people.
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08-29-2017 11:28
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.....And then it occurred to me, maybe I'M the one with the weird looking nipples.
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08-28-2017 20:59 by
Kenobi
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A vulture with two dead raccoons tried to board a plane. The flight attendant said "Sorry Sir, only one carrion allowed."
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08-28-2017 15:28
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What if the hurricaine just didn't like statues?
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08-28-2017 13:51
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Whole Foods should change their name to Whole Paycheck...
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08-28-2017 11:31
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We're gonna rebuild that wall and the Night King will pay for it.
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08-28-2017 10:24
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Trust you?! Pssstt. I still count my money when it comes out of an ATM.
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08-28-2017 06:38 by
Aerotim
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The only way McGregor could win this fight was if Steve Harvey announced the decision.
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08-28-2017 01:22
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During my vacation, I learned alot about my self. The main thing I learned was, not to take another vacation.
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08-27-2017 21:36 by
Jake
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You can not use the 5 second rule when you drop a hotdog on the floor if you have a 3 second dog.
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08-27-2017 18:20 by
Jake
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when I was in school I was so bad at math,i failed like eleventeen times!
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08-27-2017 14:55
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The Quickest way to get a person to call you back. Take a bath.
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08-27-2017 04:08 by
Jake
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My wife is so fat, that she only needs a cup of water in the tub to take a bath.
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08-25-2017 19:12 by
Jake
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. Have you heard the saying the truth will set you free? I told the judge the truth and got three years.
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08-25-2017 18:35 by
Jake
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