Snotty Funny Status Messages

   There's nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.

   I think the only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of girls,,, and having ALL of them like it.

   FYI:There are only two ingredients in trail mix. . . M&M's,,, and disappointment

   That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....'I've got nothing man.'

   Ever try to make a mental note but can't find anything to write it on?

   "The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.

   Nintendo or Nintendon't,,,,, There is no nintendtry

   I miss the days when people used to be less nostalgic.

   The camera adds like 10-15 crooked teeth............... Steve Buscemi

   Remember,,, your odds of winning Powerball are much lower than being hit by a car. Especially if I'm driving and see you in line for a ticket.

   I glued the TV remote to my wife. I'm expecting her to go missing any second now.

   So... Where does one obtain minions?

   Fox announces third season renewal of “So You Think You Can Repeal Obamacare.”

   Have you seen the clown that hides from g@y people in Wal-mart?

   I'm more of an Atrophy husband.

   If I opened a car repair shop, I would call it Auto Correct... Then I'd paint the floor with red squiggly lines

   I have so many unfinished jokes in my

   Nickelback to play Boston bombing victim's Concert. In related news, Train to play relief concert for those who saw Nickelback.... (etc.. Bieber)

   How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.

   If you say "cash money" around me, Don't act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts",,,,,,,,,,,,,See how stupid that sounds?