Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 919 of 6383
If governments are so worried about controlling addictive substances why aren't there laws about Nutella yet?
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04-05-2017 05:41
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North Korea fired a Ballistic missile today. Guess they're out of Ballistic missiles now .
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04-04-2017 21:48
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Tony Romo threw in the towel today, even that was intercepted.
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04-04-2017 15:55
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The phrase "fake news" is getting just as annoying as "wazzz-uuuuup"
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04-04-2017 15:13
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There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. — Tallulah Bankhead
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04-04-2017 10:46 by Zinc
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I never follow my heart because involuntary, myogenic organs are terrible decision makers.
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04-04-2017 10:21
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Just got in an argument w the drive thru cashier at McDonalds.. #ArchMadness
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04-04-2017 09:33 by SEAN
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Menage a trois- French for disappointing two girls at the same time.
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04-04-2017 07:48
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I'm not saying she's easy, but every time she eats a banana she automatically puts one hand behind her head.
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04-03-2017 21:04
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Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an ass.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very same thing.
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04-03-2017 21:03
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I'm not saying she's easy, but even a claustrophobic person would be okay inside her.
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04-03-2017 21:03
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After today's revelations about Susan Rice, I think it's become clear that the only foreigner who meddled in the election was Obama.
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04-03-2017 20:32
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I only watch p.orn on 13 inch tv's. I feel better about myself.
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04-03-2017 19:41
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I'm not saying she's a slut.... but she got fired from the sperm bank for drinking on the job ..
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04-03-2017 16:36 by SEAN
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I've been wracking my brain trying to remember that movie where Joe Pesci plays a hot-tempered little tough guy.
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04-03-2017 13:34 by Mick
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A Baby Whirlpool Bathtub "With a calming whirlpool and massaging bubbles, your infant will enjoy a luxurious spa experience at home!" (Hey, you never know when a 5 month old may need to unwind.)
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04-03-2017 11:43 by Mick
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OKAY honey don't freak out someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.
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04-03-2017 11:41
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Earn extra cash from superstitious strangers by placing a wishing well in your front garden.
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04-03-2017 11:28
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am starting a go-fund-me page to gave a giraffe a c-section
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04-03-2017 11:27
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Why is a bus like a garbage truck? It makes frequent stops to pick up the trash.