Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   In the 2020 election, remember... Bernie is with her...

   Hillary and Barry Obama are going to have matching ankle braclets after federal prison.

   Fox News .. we put the @ss in seaxual harassment.

   Donald Trump public ally supports Bill O'Reilly. In other news, dozens of female White House staff change their mind about speaking out against sexual harassment. Kellyanne silently weeps while tiny fingers rub her thigh.

   I'm shocked Barry Manilow announced he's gay. I thought he was dead.

   Kinda odd that Bill Clinton screwed everything but wont do Hillary.

   The only way you tards are gonna push Hillary through now is with a time machine.

   Trump removed abandon from NSC so he can devote more time to his role as the White House liaison with the K K K.

   Unfortunately for The Donald, he can't fake a Foot injury to get out of this war.

   If you think your microwave spying on you is bad… Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

   Russia doesn't have to do what the UN wants. Not when they have videos of their ugliest call girls peeing on our ugliest President.

   America's enemies must be shaking in fear of this new "All talk, no action" approach to foreign problems. I mean Trump can really, really talk.

   The first rule of rich, powerful, white guy club is we didn't do anything wrong because we are rich, white and powerful.

   Hey Donald, if Uncle Bill had sexually harassed Ivanka, would he still be a "good guy", or is it okay as long as you have lots of power over the victim.

   When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means slay dragons and rescue her from castle towers. Not wash dishes and clean out the basement.

   I'm tired of being the giver in all my relationships and I am going to turn that around starting today. So, what are you going to do for me, Klondike Bar?

   Bill O'Reilly and Bill Cosby walk into a bar. Everyone immediately covers their drinks in fear.

   Melania Trump did her part in saving American jobs by having her official portrait taken at a local Sears Photo Studio.

   Congrats to NJ Transit trains, for going more consistently off the rails than a Sean Spicer press conference.

   The President's old Ferrari sold at auction for $270,000. It would've sold for more but it had some pre-existing conditions.