Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 910 of 6383
raisins....nonalcoholic box of wine
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04-20-2017 00:10 by Eddy
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Some people say marijuana makes you dumb, but I smoke all the time and my IQ is 420.
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04-19-2017 23:15 by Zinc
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They say there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think the bulb might be blown
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04-19-2017 21:32 by Glenn M
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I just put my phone on airplane mode and it dragged me out of my seat
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04-19-2017 21:30 by Glenn M
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I bet Aaron Hernandez is hanging by a thread waiting on his guilty verdict.
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04-19-2017 19:00
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I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
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04-19-2017 18:22
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After further review, Arron Hernadez's feet did not touch the ground. The ruling in the cell stands.
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04-19-2017 16:46 by Yakfish
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Wow, that was embarrassing. I tried to non-chalantly touch one of Ivanka's breasts and ended up holding hands with the President.
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04-19-2017 16:14
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Bad news, A friend of mine fell into a reupholstering machine. Good news, Hes now recovered.
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04-19-2017 16:11
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Breaking news .. a White House to hire Bill O'Reilly and appoint him as chair of women's rights committee.
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04-19-2017 14:57
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How can Bill O'Reilly be fired. The President assured as he is a good guy and didn't do anything wrong.
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04-19-2017 14:47
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Much like the Atlanta Falcons, Aaron Hernandez choked in the end.
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04-19-2017 14:44
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Why is anybody sad about Aaron Hernandez killing himself? He is a murderer. It's funny how people act like he's an angel now.
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04-19-2017 12:28
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Aaron Hernandez's suicide just means 1 more Patriot wont be visiting the White House Today...
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04-19-2017 12:13 by Migasjoe
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BREAKING NEWS: Aaron Hernandez out indefinitely with neck injury.
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04-19-2017 09:19 by Gil
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Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
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04-19-2017 07:35
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You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed and that is pretty close.
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04-18-2017 22:52 by Zinc
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I promise you it wasn't special treatment. McDonald's makes me wait for my fries every damn time. Nice try playing the hero and all.
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04-18-2017 16:27 by Creeooo
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They should change the sound of the new chip card machines . Make me panic and think my purchase was denied. Put a ding on on it or some thing make me think I won something
It's fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can't tell.
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04-18-2017 09:24
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